It's 3:28 and I have class at 4. Let's give this a quick go.
Hello, my name is Kim Anh and I suffer from exclusion.
Yes, you heard me, exclusion. Is it a real diagnosis? Absolutely not. But does it really hurt? Absolutely yes.
Let's talk symptoms.
The symptoms of exclusion: (1) Purposeful withdrawal from social environments due to the impression that the sufferer is unwanted. (2) Constantly looking back on times when the sufferer's social life was great. (3) Constantly looking back on what the sufferer did wrong. (4) Making up excuses that they don't need friends in order to make it through another day. (5) Feeling sorry for one's self. (6) Slowly creeping into an actual depression.
Now, minding the fact that I'm stubborn, that doesn't help. There are people that I do want back in my life, and there surely are those who I don't. Different reasons here and there.
All I know is that I can only go on for a little more like this until, well, who knows what happens.
So, what are my treatment options?
I have no idea.
I've concluded that people just don't like me. My personality and interests just don't appeal to people my own age. I've been told it's because "they're jealous" and because "they feel threatened" but I don't believe it. I'm not compatible with people, odd enough.
Evolution says that we thrive in human emotions. We need it. Maslow's pyramid includes the need of a sense of belonging. People choose to be with others than to be alone at all. I don't even have that option. Point is, I've never felt so excluded than now. Granted the people who I used to hang out with across the country, and the people here just don't click with me.
By the way, I've concluded, I'm just not a California girl.
What keeps me going you may ask? My motivation to be something. My drive to excel in school, impress colleges and employers, and be successful. No, not for money. I have a need to be useful, to be a contributor to the community.
It's 3:43.
Over all, college is coming up. And I hope that it is college that will be my treatment.
- Mittens.
